Solitary Assignment

Too many times I've wanted to do something but didn't do it because there wasn't anyone to do it with. Today I made a conscious decision to do more things solo. Whether I go out to eat, check out a museum exhibit, or watch a movie I've been dying to see, enjoying my own company can't be that bad can it? I never did get to see that damn corpse flower bloom because no one else seemed as enthusiastic about viewing a flower that smelled of rotting flesh..go figure. I never got to have wings last week because no one else nearby was in the mood..utterly disappointing. This week, I really want to see The Last Exorcism....ehhh..on second thought, maybe I'll forgo going as a onesome to this particular activity so I'm not scared shitless in the movie theater by myself.

I went on my first outdoor jog alone last week and surprisingly, it wasn't as mundane as I thought it would be. It's actually pretty entertaining in here (pointing to head). Have you ever been completely alone with your thoughts and thought about absolute nonsense? I have. I think I spent a whole 2 minutes thinking about how random some of my thoughts were and then they proceeded to get even more bizarre as I thought about the random thinking I just did and then further thought about how thinking is such a weird and complex phenomenon and then I confused myself and moved onto a new topic: Running really sucks. Alone or not. As a result, I'm not as opposed to running by myself now since I know having company really won't distract me from the inherent torture that is running, in the Texas heat. If anything, running alone allows me to complain to myself continuously, something I would have held myself back from doing had there been someone with me. It was all that bitching I did in my head that really made my run go by faster, you see. No one likes to hang out with bitchiness for too long..not even your bitchy self.

Part of the reason I miss being in a relationship is because of all the things I feel I could do with that person and how exciting it sounds to have a companion to share my hobbies with. Maybe if I started enjoying those same things by myself, I wouldn't miss having someone around to do them with as much. Maybe not. But at least I'd gain a better understanding of myself in those situations and can say I've experienced it and now know which is better. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that just aren't meant for one person. I'd probably never go to a bar alone for fear of being mistaken for a hooker looking for a date. I probably also wouldn't play volleyball alone since that would be incredibly exhausting. I also wouldn't have conversations by myself since that would mean I'm schizophrenic. All these things aside, I think I may emerge from this little experiment figuring out that some things are incredibly fulfilling while unaccompanied. Or maybe I'll realize that I bore myself to death and plunge into a deep, self loathing, depression. Either way, I think I'll come out knowing myself a little better if nothing else and a little self perspective can't hurt...unless you really are incredibly boring (or bitchy).